I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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