I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
