I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize