weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
