Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
