At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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