I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
