I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize