the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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