we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
