I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
