well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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