god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
