I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
