so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize