Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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