I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize