it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
