i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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