Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
