Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
