I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
In America we eat man semen.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
