the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
