he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
