you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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