she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
