well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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