I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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