I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
