one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
