Nicole vs. Life
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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