my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
