I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
