after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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