That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
