i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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