At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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