I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Drunk is not a location!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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