I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
