i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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