Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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