I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
