Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
