So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
