i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
