The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize