thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
