she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
