I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i think i just lost a toe
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
