just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its not stalking. its research.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
