I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
