Screwed.edu
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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