wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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