Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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