Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
