Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
