I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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