You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
