i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
