Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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