My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
