he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
