DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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