she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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