My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
