OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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