So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
