He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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