Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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