Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
